


Just Like It Says On The Bottle

by Claire



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Drunk!Rodney, First Time, M/M, Past Rodney/Radek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-11
Updated: 2005-05-11
Packaged: 2019-01-21 11:48:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12457134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Claire/pseuds/Claire
Summary: It's difficult to argue with a drunk person who wants to have sex with you...





	Just Like It Says On The Bottle

"Dammit, Ford, I thought I told you to keep an eye on him." Major John Sheppard stared at the form of Rodney McKay, sprawled out by the fire and softly singing what sounded to be a really bad rendition of 'The One And Only' by Chesney Hawkes.

Crouching down next to McKay, Sheppard waved a hand in front of the scientist's eyes. "McKay? You in there?"

McKay turned to face him, eyes taking a few seconds to focus. "Major!" McKay grinned. "You came to see me!" He twisted to face the young man sitting next to him. "Look! Major Sheppard came to see me!"

The young man simply nodded as McKay turned back to John, waving a cup in his left hand. "Sit! Have a drink!"

John raised an eyebrow at McKay's exuberance. Plucking the cup out of McKay's hand he took a sniff of the contents, almost coughing as the strong smell hit the back of his nose. "Jesus, this has got to be stronger than the stuff Halling puts out."

Ford winced at the thought, and John didn't blame him. There were still bets going around the Marines as to just how strong the drink that came from Halling's still was. So far, the highest thought was about 150% proof, and even then John believed they were erring on the side of caution.

"How the hell didn't he smell that?" John said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

"I don't think that was the one he started out with, sir." Ford pointed to the array of cups around McKay's feet.

McKay picked one of the empty cups up and held it out to John. "This one tasted of raspberries," he said, solemnly. "And this one," he dropped the cup and picked up a second, "didn't."

John blinked, trying to decide if the look on McKay's face was actually a pout.

"I liked the raspberry one," McKay said forlornly.

"I can tell," John muttered. Standing up, he looked at Ford. "Why did they give McKay this?"

Ford motioned over to where Teyla was sitting with some of the other Inarians. "Apparently they felt sorry for him not being able to participate in the ceremony earlier."

John nodded. The people of Inaria had welcomed them through the gate with their Ceremony of Friendship. Each of the Atlantis team had been given a cup of what John thought tasted like coffee to officially welcome them. As soon as that comment had been made out loud McKay's eyes had lit up. The coffee supply on Atlantis had run out nearly a month ago, and no one seemed to be taking it harder than the scientists, especially McKay.

The drink had been so strong when John had first tasted it that he hadn't originally noticed the underlying hint of lemon. He'd only realised just as McKay was about to put his cup to his lips. The look on the astrophysicist's face as the Inarians had confirmed the drink was made with their version of citrus had been a cross between annoyance and despair. Kind of like a kicked puppy. A really pissed-off, caffeine-withdrawn kicked puppy.

"So they decided to get him tanked up?" John asked.

Ford looked down at McKay. "Apparently, sir."

John sighed. "Help me up with him, Ford. We'd better get him to bed." Taking an arm each, they hauled McKay to his feet.

"We going somewhere?" McKay asked brightly.

"To bed," John replied, heading in the direction of the lodge the Inarians had given them accommodation in.

"Major Sheppard!" McKay protested, half stumbling and half being dragged. "I'll have you know I'm not that kind of man." He paused. "Well, actually I am, but don't you think having sex with Ford there might embarrass him?"

John rolled his eyes as Ford tried to smother a laugh. "We're putting you to bed, Rodney. No sex involved."

"Oh."

John wondered if the disappointment in Rodney's voice was his imagination.

"Not even a little bit of sex?"

Apparently not.

"No," John answered, as they approached the lodge. He looked over at Ford. "I'll take him from here, Lieutenant. Go back and enjoy the rest of the party."

Ford glanced at Rodney. "Are you sure, sir?"

"I can cope with him. I've had my fair share of wrangling drunk men into bed," John said, realising exactly how that sounded just as Rodney muttered, "I bet you have."

"Go on. Teyla will be wondering if we've all abandoned her."

Nodding, Ford carefully extricated himself from Rodney and headed back towards where Teyla was with the Inarians.

Rodney watched him go, waiting until Ford was out of hearing range before he looked at John. "Can we have sex now?"

"I told you," John said as he manoeuvred them into the bedroom Rodney had been assigned, "no sex."

"I'm very good at it," Rodney carried on. "Radek says I give the best blowjobs he's ever had."

John nearly stumbled at that revelation, the image of Rodney on his knees in front of Zelenka considering permanent residency in his mind. Then Zelenka's face segued into his and John's trousers suddenly got a lot tighter, the thought of a pliant and willing Rodney McKay with his lips wrapped around John's cock making said cock sit up and take notice.

"I'm sure you are," John said lightly, thankful the near darkness of the room was hiding the hardness trying to poke through his trousers.

"Can I show you how good I am?" Rodney asked. "Because I've wanted to have sex with you since I saw you sitting in that chair."

John hadn't thought it was possible, but his cock got harder. He pushed Rodney onto the bed. "Sleep," he said, turning to leave.

"Sex." Rodney reached out to grab his arm and pull him back but overbalanced, sliding off the bed to the floor and taking John with him.

Struggling to untangle himself from Rodney, John stilled as Rodney's hand pressed against his cock.

"What's this?" Rodney asked, voice deceptively light.

"Nothing," John ground out, teeth gritted as Rodney's palm started to massage the tented material.

"Is little Johnny coming out to play?" Rodney tried to waggle his eyebrows suggestively.

"No," John grabbed Rodney's hand from where it was sitting in his lap, "little Johnny is not coming out to play."

"But he wants to," Rodney argued.

John rolled his eyes. Of course his dick wanted to come out to play. John had finally got Rodney McKay exactly where both he and his dick wanted Rodney to be. "Rodney," John grasped both of Rodney's wrists with his hands. "You are three sheets to the wind. You are going to wake up in the morning and regret every single word you've said in here. I'm not about to make that regret worse."

Rodney paused as he looked at John, seeming more sober than he had moments ago. "Am not." He leaned forward suddenly, catching John off guard, and touched their lips together.

John froze for a moment as Rodney's mouth pressed against his, lush and softer than he'd thought, tongue snaking out to swipe at John's lower lip.

Rodney took John's moment of surprise as an opportunity to pull one of his hands away, fingers quickly moving to undo John's trousers.

"Rodney, stop-- ooh." John moved his mouth away from Rodney's, protest dying into a moan as the other man wrapped his fingers around his cock and pulled it from his trousers.

"Not so little Johnny, after all," Rodney giggled, the sound unlike anything John had ever heard come from the scientist before. "I want."

So do I, John thought, clenching his fingers to stop himself from pushing Rodney's head into his lap. "Rodney, you don't-"

Rodney's fingers over his lips cut off John's words. "John, shut up."

Keeping his mouth closed when the fingers were removed, he watched as Rodney studied the hard cock in front of him. Fingers wrapped around the base of his erection as hot breath ghosted over his flesh, and John was lost. Closing his eyes, he waited for the first sweep of Rodney's tongue across his cock.

And waited.

And waited some more.

Cracking open his eyes when the sound of soft snoring reach him, John looked down to see Rodney asleep in his lap, fingers still lightly wrapped around the base of John's hard cock.

Trying not to moan at the touch, John carefully pulled Rodney's fingers away from his flesh and started to move out from under the unconscious man. Rodney mumbled at the movement and the fingers John was holding clamped tightly onto his hand, refusing to let go.

Staring down at his still-hard cock, John grimaced. "And you can shut up," he muttered.

Glancing between Rodney, who was starting to drool on John's thigh, the fingers clutching tightly onto his hand, and the rock hard erection sticking out of his trousers, John made a decision. Leaning back, he grabbed the blanket off the bed behind them. Draping it over the thigh Rodney wasn't on, John wrapped his spare hard around his cock and started to jerk himself roughly.

Remembering the feel of Rodney's hot breath across his cock John's balls tightened and he bit his lip to stop himself from crying out as he came, emptying himself onto the blanket.

Dropping his head back, John stared at the patterns on the ceiling, wondering just why the universe thought it was fair to all but throw Rodney McKay at him and then make him settle for jerking off with Rodney snoring on one thigh.

Still mentally bemoaning the unfairness of the universe at large, John lifted his head and wiped himself off with the blanket, tucking his now soft cock back into his trousers.

"The things I do for you," he murmured quietly, running his fingers through Rodney's hair.

Rodney just mumbled again.

Stretching his arm behind him, John grabbed one of the pillows on the bed and pulled it to him. Twisting slightly, he let his head fall onto the pillow and closed his eyes, letting Rodney's gentle snore lull him to sleep.

*

"Oh my god," moaned Rodney as he slowly woke up, head pounding and light far too bright, even with his eyes closed. "What the hell was I doing last night?"

He pressed two fingers against the side of his head, trying to get the jackhammer in his skull to stop. When that didn't work Rodney decided the only thing for it was to go back to sleep and hope he felt better when he next woke up. Kneading his pillow to get more comfortable, Rodney stilled when the pillow suddenly complained.

Slowly opening one eye, Rodney looked down at the t-shirt clad stomach he'd been lying on. Raising his head, he met the amused gaze of John Sheppard as the events of the previous night came back in a dizzying rush.

"Oh, shit."

John just smirked. "So, you and Zelenka?"

Rodney could feel the flush rising to his face as he dropped his head into his hands. "Ow," he whimpered softly, the action just serving to make the jackhammer work faster.

"Stay there," John said as he got to his feet and walked over to the table at the other side of the room.

"Not going anywhere," Rodney muttered, as John walked back to him.

"Here." A cup of something dark was waved under his nose.

"Hell no," said Rodney, looking at the almost mesmerising sheen on the drink. "If there's anything I've learned it's not to drink a damn thing on this planet."

John smiled, but pushed the cup into one of Rodney's hands. "Drink it. One of the Inarians dropped it off earlier. Guaranteed hangover cure, apparently."

Rodney took a cautious sniff of the liquid. He couldn't identify the smell, but it wasn't anything horrendous. "This had better not be anything like my grandmother's guaranteed hangover cure." He took a sip, pleasantly surprised to find it tasted like strawberries.

"Why?" John asked.

Rodney looked at him, draining the rest of the cup. "Let's just say that three raw eggs, vinegar and cat pee should never be put in the same cup."

"Cat pee?"

Rodney nodded. "She swore by it."

John grimaced slightly. "For the record?"

"Yes?"

"Canadians? Officially insane," John declared.

Rodney raised an eyebrow. "And this from the person who let a coin toss decide if he was going to go to another galaxy."

John pinned him with his gaze. "Rodney, _cat pee_."

"Maybe," Rodney conceded. "I never saw Maman with a hangover, though."

John smiled as he took the cup out of Rodney's hand and deposited it on the floor. "How's your head?"

Rodney closed his eyes and listened for the jackhammer. Silence. "It's fine," he answered, surprised. Opening his eyes, he looked at John. "We have _got_ to take the recipe for that back with us."

"I'll ask for it before we leave."

"I'll run an analysis and see if we can replicate it using Earth based substances. We patent that when we get back and we'll make a fortune." Because if he couldn't publish all the papers he'd written due to their 'Classified' status, he could at least make money selling hangover cures to drunks.

Pushing himself to his feet, Rodney looked down at the crumpled clothes he was wearing. "I should get changed before we head back." He glanced pointedly towards the door.

John sat down on the bed. "Don't let me stop you."

"Major-"

"You called me John last night."

Because John had been 'John' in Rodney's head for quite sometime now, even if he normally never said it. "Last night I was somewhere south of plastered and said quite a few things I didn't necessarily mean."

John studied him for long moments before getting to his feet. "I don't think so."

Rodney stepped back as John stalked towards him, only stopping when his back hit the wall.

"Maj-"

The word was cut off by John's fingers. "Rodney," John grinned, "shut up."

Rodney was hit by a sense of déjà vu as John moved forward, pressing their mouths together and teasing open Rodney's lips with his tongue.

The moan that welled up in Rodney as a hand deftly undid his trousers and snaked its way inside was swallowed by John's mouth. Fingers wrapped around his hardening cock, releasing it from its material prison.

"John, John, John," Rodney gasped as he tore his lips away from John's and dropped his head onto the other man's shoulder.

"Together," John panted, using his other hand to fumble at his own trousers. Unable to wait, Rodney helped with opening them and finally John's cock was free.

Stepping even closer, John pressed his cock against Rodney's and wrapped his hand around both of them.

Hissing as John's heated flesh met his, Rodney gripped John's arm, squeezing tightly. Pre-come leaked from both cocks, slicking John's hand as he jerked them. Curling his fingers around the back of John's neck, Rodney pulled him back towards him, their lips clashing together.

John's hold tightened slightly and Rodney felt him stiffen as warmth flooded over his cock, triggering his own release and coating John's hand for a second time.

Leaning his head back against the wall and trying to calm his breathing, Rodney stilled in complaint as John moved away. "What-?"

"Just getting this." John came back with the blanket from the bed, using it to wipe them both down.

Rodney nodded, the soft weave of the material soothing as it rubbed over his sensitised cock.

"So, tell me," John asked lightly as they were tucking themselves back into their clothes, "do I need to be killing Zelenka when we get back to Atlantis?"

"You'd better not, he's the only other truly capable scientist on the expedition," Rodney replied.

John just looked at him.

"No, John, Radek and I were just a friend thing," Rodney explained. Because being stuck in another galaxy meant you sometimes needed a friend with no strings attached.

"A friend thing that's not going on anymore?" John asked.

"Not since Carson said yes," answered Rodney, smiling at the look on John's face.

"Beckett and Zelenka? How long?"

"About a month now," Rodney said.

John grinned. "Maybe we can double date," he joked. "Or," he said, his eyes going darker, "maybe I could just keep you tied to the bed, ready for whenever I want you."

Rodney's breath hitched at the thought of being tied spread-eagle before John, waiting for whatever the other man wanted to do to him. "Who would lead the science team?" he asked, absurdly grateful his voice didn't break in the middle of the sentence.

"You said Zelenka was capable," pointed out John, wrapping his hands around Rodney's arms and manoeuvring them over to the bed.

"John, we should be getting ready to leave," Rodney protested half-heartedly.

"We've got time," John replied, tongue laving over Rodney's neck.

"Hmmm, yes," agreed Rodney, John's teeth latching onto his shoulder as they tumbled onto the bed. "Maybe we do have time after all."

John just laughed, and kissed him.


End file.
